Monday, July 6, 2009


I have fibromyalgia, for those of you who didn't know it, and that means that I am constantly, incessantly, in some degree of pain. I'm on a couple of pain meds, and they dull it, but they don't get rid of it. Today, for example, my lower back hurts and my upper legs are screaming. If you've never experienced chronic pain, count your blessings. It steals your energy, your willpower...well, really it steals your life. Everything you do becomes an evaluation of your pain level and how much you can really handle doing before it exhausts you. Every day is an exercise in what degree of tired you're feeling right now. And I am, as the saying goes, sick and tired of being sick and tired.

So today I took the first steps to, hopefully, get some actual function back and gain a bit of control over my life. I called the local pain management center. Apparently, it's not as easy as calling and getting an appointment. They wanted some of my records, so I called my primary doctor (who I love -- he spent two years testing me for everything under the sun before we got a diagnosis and never once told me it was all in my head!) to arrange for that, and set up an appointment for my regular checkup while I was at it. They'll fax the records to the doctor at the pain management place, he'll look at them, decide if he wants any other tests or things like x-rays, and then they'll call me to set the next step in place.

Fibro has also stolen my long term memory, which means I can't be trained for any job (we won't get into my opinion of Social Security and what they think disability is). I don't expect learning to manage my pain to bring that back. I've (mostly) come to terms with the fact that this is who I am these days. But having the energy to do more around the house would be a blessing, both for me and my partner. Sometimes, I think she has to be a saint to deal with my frequent uselessness. Then she get pissed at me and the illusion vanishes. :)

Anyway, I'm hoping that this is the first step to a better quality of life. I'll try to keep things updated here.

In knitting news, I've been working on chemo caps for my partner's cousin. I've finished 4 of them, and will be sending them out tomorrow. I've got 2-3 more I want to do, but she started chemo last week, so she needs them.

Added about half an hour later: Just got a call from the pain management center! I have an appointment July 21! That's a lot faster than I was expecting. They wanted to offer me a chance to come in tomorrow at 10 AM, but we've got a ferret having babies either today or tomorrow, and it looks like it will be tomorrow, so I had to wait. But there's a light in the distance....


ChelleC said...

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering from this. I enjoy reading your posts over in the Prayer Shawl group on Ravelry. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find some relief.

Beth123B said...

Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughts. The new medication is really helping!